The widened gap!

 “Beware of the gap. The gap between where you are and where you want to be. Simply thinking of the gap widens it. And you end up falling through.”

― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

 


I have been hitting my lows very much lately for the same reason mentioned above the gap between where I am and where I want to be. And it has widened and I have fallen through it and hurt myself very bad. The lows are such that even the people who love me the most or are ones I love the most cannot understand or pretty much do anything about it! As a result I stopped talking about the same to anyone and I have fallen further down! Just when I thought that this is the lowest I can fall life laughs and throws me further down the abyss… where the only feeling that engulfs you is loneliness and the hard banging of your thoughts! And in that loneliness the voice becomes so strong that it’s just impossible to ignore or not hear it. And well, I know that it is not a great way to deal with it but sometimes you just need silence and nothing more! Not Answers or Peace or Happiness just silence! After a point distracting yourself doesn’t help. We do it subconsciously: distracting ourselves - I do this by binge eating or binge watching just anything random or scrolling insanely through social media. People say that meditation helps but I had reached a point where the voices would not stop even when I distract myself. Meditation seemed tiring.

 

I had always heard that ‘Music is Meditation & Therapeutic!’ and I listen to vivid music too but never felt the power it had. On one such lonely morning at 5 I was reading an article by Vaibhav Munjal where he recommended this piece of Jon Hopkins stating “I listened to it, and by the time the song got over, I was crying in a way I had never cried before.”

 


I listened to it and the song is in itself a meditation and indeed is therapeutic! It did silenced the voices and made me believe in something I recently read

“Depression is also smaller than you. Always, it is smaller than you, even when it feels vast. It operates within you, you do not operate within it. It may be a dark cloud passing across the sky but - if that is the metaphor - you are the sky. You were there before it. And the cloud can't exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud.”

― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive


The Link for that beautiful song:

https://youtu.be/3G4kCi_ldr8


https://open.spotify.com/track/5kdXiiF8MxyLVhRjkVv9jQ?si=iA1lwMqfQISRBLXJJbLJYg&utm_source

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