A Little Bit of this and a little bit of that!!

 A Little Bit of this and a little bit of that!!

^Disclaimer - Before I rant and you go through my ramblings without judgment (So grateful, by the way) I am Grateful that I have this with me, much like love. But it’s also so much terrifying, letting people in without knowing that weather or not they’ll understand – again much like love.

This has been a glorious year in terms of hard hitting Self Realizations & Actualizations. The bare understandings of this grey world & learning to function as an adult through all of it.

A hard realization that your parents are also growing old along with you. Learning that they are humans and weren’t born parents, they learn along the way and did the best they could in any given circumstances. And a new fear of their morality is there. Also, a realization that you are nothing but them (no matter how much you run during your late teens about this fact) you are nothing but them, an extension of them; you can and will only be a better version of them...

Experiencing the aftermath of a heartbreak this year has opened up a terrifying aspect of living - endurance. No matter how much we speak of it, write about it or witness it in others’ until you go through it yourself you can never know the depths a loss it can take you to. You're convinced, mind you, convinced, you'll die with this unseen excruciating pain… but somehow you don't.

So much is said about mental health awareness and yet such little experiences are received without judgment. This year the highlight of my days was being able to go through the day without crying. The pain sometimes gets unbearable, and no stoicism comes to the rescue. Only friends do. Reach out Always.  And also crying and letting it all out helps.

Loneliness is more real than anything else. I wish I was taught more about it when I was younger. I'm learning to accept that being lonely is natural, and sometimes (I hate to say it) Necessary!

I'm learning to not envy happy people when I'm not happy. To not compare myself with them. It sucks to see me like this. I am better than this. Competition isn’t the only way to survive no matter what we were told when we were kids. Conscious efforts help a lot.

Nature does talks back to you. It makes you feel Insignificant, Powerful, Important all at the same time.

Listening is powerful. Being heard is even more.

Learning to value myself more and not accept anything less than what I deserve. In all aspects career, love, personal all of it. Because the only way to have it or to get it is – ASK for it.

Being there for myself – it may seem selfish to some but it isn’t. If you don’t apply for that dream job or take a stand on what you deserve chances are no one will. You have endured more than what you thought was possible for you, everyone isn’t going to appraise what you did and how difficult it was, but you owe it to yourself!

Books, Music, Movies, Poetry are not overrated. They have a healing power and are not just for entertainment. The fact that whatever it is that you are going through someone somewhere went through exact same thing and survived it has a strange comfort in it along with a bit of surprise. Everything we experience is much more universal than we think it is.

The Venting sessions with best friend are more important than you think they are. They are therapeutic

Even tho Spotify said my annual mood was happy and groovy, I know for a fact it wasn't. The ones who went through silent pains of adulting, I'm your tribe and it's not gonna last forever. Hopefully.

Have a Happy and Peaceful New Year!!

See you next year!

With all the Love and Light.

A.